Transcription from an interview with Daria on April 19 2022 in Kyiv, Ukraine. 

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-Do you want to introduce yourself?

Sure. I’m Daria, a 33 year old counseling psychologist from Kyiv. I’m married and have a five year old kid. I also teach social psychology masters in college. From the beginning of war I have been working making psychological consults for free and once the war situation was relatively calm I started participating in a playback theater that is based mainly on improvisation. Sometimes we even do theater performances in the metro or shelters.

 

-It’s really brave to keep working during war time. I guess that your Psychology classes are online. How do you deal with that?

It’s really frustrating. Before the war my students used to turn on the camera during online classes. But now, during the war, it's harder because most people either don’t have at their disposal technology devices or they are not in a good psychological state for attending lectures. Under these conditions there are no exams and the students that are graduating this year are allowed to present the work that they had already done as the final degree thesis. 

 

-How is counseling while going through this situation? Can you provide appropriate counseling as you are being affected by the same situation?

I did two first sessions on the 24 of february so we could say that I have been working since the very first day of the war. I myself am also going to therapy. I heard that psychologists in hot spots are not able to provide appropriate counseling but I don’t feel that's my case. I have shared these thoughts with my friends and therapists, and the conclusion we come up with is that it depends on people and situations. If I'm okay in that situation and my clients too, it's fine. I only have 5 sessions per week, half than before the war and half of my clients are doing this for free, so they can stop at any moment.

 

-Do you think counseling is helping you overcome this whole situation?

Yes, for sure. Being helpful to other people makes me really happy and helps me to understand and process the situation better. People come to me with the same questions that I have to myself. Exploring them together helps me to find my own answers as well. What's happening helps us to reflect and move forward to the most important things. Themes such as life, death and love are more bright during this situation.

 

-Besides counseling and teaching Psychology, are you working on something else?

I was thinking about restarting the educational process. I know it's a bit inappropriate now, but I think it would help us to focus on another thing, rather than just the war. 

 

-Are your parents here?

Both my mother in law and my parents, who are also here in Kyiv, are too old to move to another city. 

 

-Did you think of leaving Kyiv? 

Yes, my partner and I were thinking a lot about moving or not. Once we realized that it was too risky for my child and I to stay here, we packed and decided we had to leave, leaving my husband here, because he could be called for joining the army at any time.

It was the hardest moment of all these days. Just before leaving, my partner and I talked, and thought about every plan, alternative, and the different scenarios. I created my own criteria for deciding when would be the best time for us to leave, consisting of four different points. If our situation meets the following requirements my child and I will stay at home: If there is still one way of moving we stay, if my husband is still with us, if our house is not damaged and if I’m mentally capable of dealing with the whole situation. I felt great relief that we decided to stay and I think it was the best thing we could do. We have stayed together in our house 56 days so far since the war started and we don’t know for how long this situation will last because my husband could be called to join the army at any time. The thought of separating makes me feel desperate. 

 

-How is staying in your house like? 

Sometimes it is really stressful, because there are usually a lot of air threat sirens, indicating the possibility of a rocket landing in Kyiv. In my place in particular the threat sirens sound really loud.

 

-How probable is that your husband has to join the army?

He is in the fourth wave of mobilization, the last one, because he doesn't have any military formation nor military experience. He tried to get into the territory defense, but he was rejected because of his lack of military knowledge and physical condition. I was surprised by my reaction. I realized that that's what he wanted to do and I couldn't do anything to prevent it. If it has to happen it will happen. My son and I are happy and feel lucky that he is staying with us. 

 

-How is this situation affecting your family as a unit?

It makes us celebrate each day of living. In the beginning of the war we used to wake up with explosions, but now it is not that common. Just waking up together and alive, not because of explosions but because of daylight, feels like a privilege. My birthday is on February 26,and at midnight of February 25, that was, the beginning of my birthday and the third day of war, aerial sirens started to sound. When they started sounding, my all body trembled for several minutes. 

 

-How is your son doing?

We noticed that our son is doing really well. He eats and sleeps as he used to even though he realizes what is going on. He is aware that we have some new rules, that we have to be prepared to leave home at any moment, so he has to keep his toys all together. The first days he had to sleep with street clothes in case we had to go to a shelter. 

 

-Do you think other countries are supporting Ukraine?

People don't realize what is happening or how it feels. I feel solitude. We, Ukrainians, are on our own, alone in this world. Ukrainian people are angry and feel hatred towards one another. Because we can't get to the source of evil, we began to hate each other.  My mother tongue is Russian, but I speak Ukrainian as well. Since the war started everything that is connected somehow to Russia will try to be destroyed and I feel sad about that. My mother is Russian and has a Russian passport but is a Ukrainian resident and lives in Kyiv right now. It's difficult to communicate with her because they have a pro russian position. We are trying not to talk a lot about politics, but sometimes it's unavoidable. She told me: “What happened in Bucha is not clear, maybe it's faked by Ukrainian police or something. If Ukraine didn’t want to join NATO, they [Russia] wouldn't have started the war.” They even told me what happened in Mariupol was an Ukrainian fault and they don't believe that there was war in Donbas all this year. I just stopped talking to my parents about it because I really love them. I'm trying to meet them and stay together, despite the political differences. I can separate my personal point of view with my family relationships but I’m pretty sure that if they weren't my parents I wouldn't keep connections with them.  

 

-Have you been exposed directly to a traumatic event during the war? 

Last week a really good friend of mine died because of her cancer. I think that influenced more than war or maybe all together. We were lucky that we didn't have any physical injury so far. 

 

-What about the psychological consequences?

Sometimes I'm afraid to fall asleep, because the sirens start to sound and they used to be followed by several explosions, but not anymore. Even though I'm still pretty conditioned for the first experiences and always expecting them. I guess that in the future that siren sound will evoke my PTSD symptoms. Both my husband and baby sleep very well, even when there are sirens. In my case, a couple of days per week I have insomnia.   

 

-Did your diet change?

I would say that my diet is almost the same. I've gained more weight, 1kg more, because I'm not moving myself that much. I like sweets, and during my lessons I have to eat sweets to make my brain work better.  

 

-Do you think your marriage is stronger now? 

Yes, definitely. I think he is the best person who I could have stayed with in the war, even though I wasn't expecting that. He understands my needs and respects my space, as I do with him. He never tries to tell me to stop crying when I need it, he knows that I have to. He is also a psychologist. He continues repeating some answers I ask him almost everyday, every two or three days: “Please, remind me why we are here, why we are not in other places.” We repeated to ourselves patiently why we were staying at our place. On the third or fourth day of the war, I told him that I wanted to go out, and he was okay with that, while my mother was freaking out with that idea. He was okay with me going to a place by car. He trusts me. Both we need our time for ourselves. 

 

-Did your sexual relationships change?

Yes. I think that aspect really keeps us together, closer and the desire is more bright and sharp, especially in the beginning of the war, that maybe the sexual encounter could be the last one. I can't imagine how I would be if we had stayed during these 56 days in different places. It's the moment that life gains during this war. It's still there, happening, making love.

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