Transcription from an interview with Dmitry on April 18 2022. 

In the following link you will have access to the whole interview recorded by video.

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-When did you realize that the Russian siege started?

Well, technically the war with Russia started 8 years ago, in the east. But it wasn't until February 24 that the full-scale Russian invasion began. That day my daughter came to see me at 5 a.m. and told me that she had read in the news that the war had started. From my window we could see cars crossing the road from Kyiv to Chernobyl. We decided to stay at home, in Dymer, a village north of Kyiv, because we had enough food and other supplies that we put aside during the pandemic and that allowed us to survive in isolation. We did not expect what was going to happen. On the second day, in the morning, we woke up to the sound of tanks passing 200 meters from my window for two hours. It is really painful to know that your country, your city, is being occupied. The bridges were bombed, so our town was disconnected from other towns. We could no longer escape by car and I had had surgery on my leg before the war, so going on foot was not a good idea for me. From that day until March 7 Russian troops passed through our town, but did not occupy it. 

 

-What was the main change in your daily routine during those days?

Our schedule changed completely. We had to get up at 6 a.m. to get as much light as possible. Around 6 p.m. it would start to get dark, so we had to stay home until the next sunrise. We covered the windows of the room we were staying in so that no ray of light could be seen from outside. We could not even turn on any light other than a small one at night, for occasional situations. Not being visible from the outside is the first rule in war. We used to that Dark mode on the second day of the invasion. That same day a serious war conflict started a couple of kilometers from our house, with explosions, tanks, rockets and so on. 

 

-What were the following days like?

On the third day, that is, February 26, we woke up to the sound of explosions and then it became routine. The electricity was cut off. Every day between February 26 and March 7 seemed to be almost the same. We would prepare food twice a day on the street, at 6 in the morning and at 1 in the afternoon. While I was cooking I could see and hear the battle from a distance: helicopters and drones flying, tanks, gunfire, bombs. I could not stop cooking, even when the war conflict was severe, because there was a possibility that we might not be able to eat for days. I would prepare hot water at the same time and store it in thermos flasks. 

 

-How did you cope with the power outage those days? 

Fortunately, we had an electric generator, so we didn't suffer from it. Some of our neighbors came to charge their phones and other electronic devices. 

 

-How did you keep the food in that situation? Did you connect the electric generator to the refrigerator?  

No, we didn't. The temperatures were very low, so we were able to keep the food in our backyard. Our house was about 10 degrees. 

 

-Did you have any health problems during those days?

Before the war I had an operation on my leg, a very deep scar and by the time war started I was almost recovered. Because of the cold and activity, it got worse. I should not have moved much and kept warm, less stressed, but because of my great activity those days my scar got very hot and I did not have antibiotics. It was opening up again. I realized that I could die not from the war but from this infection. Fortunately, we were able to stabilize the wound with the medicines we had at home and by resting. Also, we worked on trying not to completely dry out our energy battery level because we always had to be ready to leave the house. 

 

-How far away were the explosions from your house?

I think they were about a kilometer from our house. Luckily, our house was not in the line of fire between the Russian and Ukrainian troops. Although we weren’t that close to the conflict, we could feel all the explosions. Their sound is not reproducible with any sound device. You feel them as if someone punched you, your whole body and windows shake. It's really scary. They were periodically. They started in the morning for 2 hours, then stopped, then started again and so on. They were during the day, always in the morning and always at night. 

 

-Did you have to deal with local criminals?

No, we didn't. At first I was very afraid of them, so to protect my family and myself from the local criminals I made myself a halberd, with a long spike, a knife and an exe. By the fourth or fifth day of the war I was no longer afraid of them. I understood that if you are in a war zone, your property begins to have a temporary use, limited for an indeterminate time. If they had arrived, I would let them take whatever they wanted. There was nothing I had to protect more than my children. I was very afraid of the possibility of them raping my daughter. 

 

-How many children do you have?

A nineteen-year-old daughter and a nine-year-old son. We tried to encapsulate it with lego and other games. 

 

-Were all those days the same until you ran away?

They were until March 7, when another phase began. I saw three children and a woman with a white flag made of some torn garment, walking silently and slowly along the road. It was very emotional because for me that was the road to death. I thought that crossing it would automatically lead to death, either by tanks or artillery, but I guess they were really desperate.

That same day, March 7, some Russian troops rotated from Bucha and Irpin and settled in some industrial building to rest near our village. That night there was a lot of gunfire, rifle fire and shooting around the Russian base. It was a very noisy night. The troops who were in the industrial building came to the surrounding houses, killed the guard dogs and stole food. The actual occupation was near. We understood that we were under a real threat. In addition, we learned that the woman and the three children who walked along the road of death were successful, and most of the families in our town began to leave the city on March 8. I could not join them that day because it was already 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and I could not reach any nearby town before dark because of the injury I had in my leg. It was a very emotional pain, your area, your street, your town, it was a life, but it was bleeding out with the citizens...only empty houses were left. My area was bleeding out and becoming an empty space. I saw it in motion. 

 

That day, I saw the people at the beginning of our street running with pained faces. I had not seen such terrified faces before. They told me that the Russian troops had told them to leave their house, and it was 5 o'clock in the afternoon, an hour before dark mode. That night we didn't lock the door of our house at all because I didn't want anything to stop them. 

 

-So you had to stay that night and leave the next day, right? How did you do it?

That's right. On March 8 one of my neighbors told us that the Russian troops had allowed a man to take people from one place near our village to the next. We started packing our things, but we couldn't carry suitcases, so we each put the most important things in a bag. That same day, before leaving, we saw Russian soldiers for the first time, but they were only looking for food and water. We were lucky, they did not attack us. After that, we set off to the place where the man picked us up. On the way, we had to cross a broken bridge below the river level by balancing on the remaining pieces of metal.Then, we reached the point and fortunately we were picked up and taken to a safer place. I don't know the name of the driver, but I hope to meet him again and thank him for the great job he did. 

 

-Do you want to talk about the psychological consequences of those days on you? 

Yes, of course. Sometimes I have traumatic feelings, anxiety episodes. The occupation part was a constant threat, day by day. I had to take pills for some blood pressure problems, but by the fourth day I was off the pills. Panic can make the pressure go up, so I had to be calm. 

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-How did you do it?

I took deep breaths. I would say to myself, 'Let's see if nothing bad happens during that breath.' Then I would do a mind check. Then another breath. Nothing happens. Another mental check. And so on and so forth. The maximum was 10 check marks. 

Nowadays I often have to deal with nightmares. They are always the same. We did not survive the broken bridge crossing before reaching the point where the driver picked us up. It was winter, with little sunlight. Helicopters were flying, there was some shooting around and Irpin was on fire. We were on the artillery red line and there was no turning back. Russian soldiers were in our street. Then I wake up and can't help crying out loud. 

 

-Do you have other psychological problems besides nightmares?

I have to avoid any kind of triggering information that reminds me of that time. I allow myself to read an article of the day's events and try to react fully to a single event, crying once on a large scale. Feel it once. If you are in pain, let it come with you once on a full scale. It will trigger you, but you will control it better. The situations that usually trigger me are socially controllable, in the sense that it depends on people's actions. When I see people leading a normal life, it reminds me of my past life, which makes me very sad, because it won't be the same anymore. The clues that I could relate to me being our home during the occupation also trigger me. When I see in the train stations or on the news people leaving their villages, not traveling but escaping from a place, it takes me back to the time of the Exodus, when all my neighbors were leaving our village, one of the most painful moments of those days. 

 

I tend to have a painful feeling in my chest. I cry for something broken, something that existed before but is now broken. My former life is broken. My family's security is broken. I have many memories and recollections about caring for my family during my daily routine. Fortunately we were not physically harmed but .... what about other families? 

 

The other day I read that in Mariupol there were 20000 killed, victims of explosions or other military devices. They were living for weeks in shelters, basements, without food, without hope or help. I imagine what 20000 people are like and I think of the apartment where I lived during my childhood which belongs to a 9-storey building. That amount of people would be equivalent to 3 streets full of 9-story buildings. 

 

-One of the main psychological symptoms of PTSD is the feeling of guilt. Do you ever feel that way? 

No, I don't feel guilty. I did everything I could do. Sometimes I think that on the first day we could have moved anywhere, when the bridges were still untouched but we didn't expect at all that the situation would develop as it did, it was unimaginable. We didn't feel so threatened enough to give up and leave our home. 

 

-I see. After you left your town, did you have any chance to come back? 

Yes, I went there a week ago. During the past weeks a rocket landed next to my place, so the windows are broken and some furniture damaged, but that is. Actually, I think that the rocket was from the Ukrainian army, but I don’t have any anger about it, that happens in war. Next week I will return and try to fix some things. When I knew that my house was bombed I cried a lot. I should cry out and then leave it like an electron moving from one level to another and while throwing the foton. You move from one state to another, throw your emotions, then leave that level so it is not that painful for you anymore. I guess that if I were in the kitchen when the rocket landed, I would have been seriously wounded, but if I were in the living room, I would be okay. War is about probability and chance, so my best advice for adverse situations is always following what your heart says. 

 

-Did you have any relatives in Ukraine during the occupation?

Yes, my mother lived in Chernigov, a city in eastern Ukraine. It was constantly bombed. The supermarket that she used to see from her window was shelled on the second day of the war and there were tanks moving near her house. The windows of her apartment were shattered by the impact of the explosion. My father died long ago and my mother knows that Russian troops fired from the cemetery. Perhaps the same bomb that exploded and blew out the windows of her apartment was fired from there. She lived for several days in a basement because there were not only rockets but also artillery. 

After living in a shelter for three weeks she tried to escape, but it was not easy. The bus drivers turned her away, only accepting mothers and children. The buses were full of many women and children, all standing close together, like a can of sardines. Most of the roads were destroyed, so it was really difficult to escape from Chernigov. Buses had to drive on local roads that almost literally did not exist. 

 

-Do you have any notable ideas about Russian or Ukrainian military strategy?

Well, I think the Russian troops didn't have good commanders. I used to see every day Russian troops advancing along the same road to a particular point and they were always attacked by Ukrainian artillery. The same pattern, the same plan, the same strategy. Russian troops were dying day by day. Their commander did not even change the pattern. The group of trucks and vehicles arrived at the hot spot and in an hour or two hours we saw and heard explosions. Then, they did not return. We saw images of destroyed vehicles at the same point we were waiting for. The group that went there was smaller every day and the time period of the explosions was shorter. How many lives were claimed in such a damn strategy...?

 

-How did your children cope with such a stressful situation?

I think they coped quite well. I remember once, after we escaped from Dymer to a village called Vinsta where we were safe, my son asked if that place was still Ukraine. Yes, son, where do you think we are, I answered. He said, "In Ukraine there is war and there is shelling everywhere and I don't hear explosions anymore." 

After all, he doesn't seem to be mentally damaged. This experience has made us much stronger.

 

-How did you feel about your neighbors?

In general, I felt that trust in people grew. I felt very good about helping others just for the sake of helping, and that my help was accepted by others. Before the war, we used to have a lack of trust in each other, we were encapsulated families. After this experience, I became much more attached to some of my neighbors.

 

-Most Ukrainians have a link to Russia, either because of relatives, language or because they were born there. Is that the case for you?

 My mother is ethnically Russian and my cousin lives in Russia. I lived in Chernigov in my childhood and started speaking Ukrainian at the age of twelve, as people there don't speak Ukrainian. My wife's father called her on the 5th day of the occupation, when we had no electricity and the war was really going on very close to us. He started explaining Russian propaganda to her: "No, Russian troops do not shoot at civilians, they only attack military targets. They are trying to free you from the Nazis occupying your country, don't you understand. If not, there will be NATO troops here." How can I not understand the situation if I am living under occupation and you are in Moscow? my wife replied. After that conversation, she asked him not to call her again. That part of our family does not even support us, they have never said to us "I understand you, I feel you". They just say, "In Russia I can't do anything, I can't even talk to you". Despite the fact that in Russia there is no punishment for calling relatives. They tell us that what we see and feel is wrong. On the first day of the war we asked them to protest against the war, hoping that they would help and support us, but we only got their silence. They explain to us that there are geopolitical reasons for our children to die. The same situation happened with my uncles. They called my mother telling her about the Russian propaganda, even though she had to live in the basement for several days. 

 

-Can Ukrainian civilians get any weapons to protect themselves?

In obalum defense territory, some trucks used to provide any man with a passport and a simple check could with a weapon, which seems crazy to me, but I totally understand it. Any man, when he sees his family threatened, will dream of killing the source of this pain. It's like a hidden energy. When I thought about my family being attacked, I had a desire to kill them at least once, one of them. 

 

-The conflict between Russia and Ukraine started a long time ago, didn't it? Did you take part in any of the revolutions? 

Yes, I participated in the 2004 revolution and the 2014 revolution. In 2013, a year before the revolution, Russia constantly tried to control us. I developed a rejection of everything related to Russia, so my daughter, born in 2004, speaks only Ukrainian and her name and my son's name are universal, they do not exist in Russia. I try to separate them from Russian culture. 

When I hear about some victim of the Russian troops, I feel that the poison I had inside me is relieved. I feel disinfected, as if someone cleaned our house of rats. I don't feel anger for rats and I don't enjoy killing them, but my house must be clean. People who clean houses don't cause any pain to the rats, they just clean them. This is how we help our army clean our houses. Not only Russian soldiers, but also the Russian population, are mentally infected. Somehow we want to isolate them because it is a mental disease that is spreading: the revolution of hatred must be disinfected. 

 

-I can see around Kyiv a lot of abandoned dogs. Do you used to have one?

No, we have never had dogs. My daughter has some trauma with dogs. I told my daughter that my main fear was that she would be raped and she didn't answer me. She just said "teach me how to use the halberd". One time she saw a big dog walking around our house. It was very big and aggressive. She said "just in case, dogs are food too". Most people left their homes and their dogs and eventually starved to death.